Me: Where is your girl baby? (his little sister)
Little 5yrs old boy, E: She’s in school.
Me: What is she doing in school?
Me: What school does she go to? Your school?
E: I don’t know, no. I don’t get to see her. She stays at school.
Me: (I put him on my lap to talk to him closer) Do you miss her?
Me: Do you dream about her?
Me: Do you have a picture of her?
Me: Do you look at the picture a lot?
E: Not really, I don’t always have it. (then he says something that I couldn’t really hear because other kids were being really loud)
A boy’s remembrance of his baby sister who passed away beginning of this year due to complications, she was exactly 6 months old.
My eyes were tearing up and memories hitting me hard towards the end of our conversation but I couldn’t cry in front of the kids. I let him go off to play and I switched the conversation as quick as he went back to play mode.
By all means he knows exactly where his baby sister is but he’s recently been talking about her in this kind of context if the topic gets brought up. He is sad when we talk but he won’t cry in front of me. His mom said he cries at home at night from time to time before he goes to sleep.
We both know clear as day of the exact truth in reality. We come up with these kinds of storylines as a way of coping with what was lost. This is not denial or avoidance. We are merely just bending the truth with “a twist” in the story in order for us continue on with our daily lives and routine without having to explain or talk about our feelings and the truth to others. Why talk about a lost in a negative? They are not gone, they are just away at either school, work or vacation. A very extended trip so far away that we cannot have them come back, no matter how much we miss them. All we can do is live on missing them but not necessarily say that they are “gone”.
He was not avoiding this topic by giving me one worded answers, he’s perfectly fine with this topic. I do not bombard this little boy with this topic, it comes up naturally and he does not mind. I have known him since he was 2.